I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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