Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
