i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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