Fuck appropriateness.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize