I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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