i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize