youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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