i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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