I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
