There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
