Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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