just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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