dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
