So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
