Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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