I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
