i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Screwed.edu
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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