I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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