you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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