The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
