drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
