no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The adults are the big ones right?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
