I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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