oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
