you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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