$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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