Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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