I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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