I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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