Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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