yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
