Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize