FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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