Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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