what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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