Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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