I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
