Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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