is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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