He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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