mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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