I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
