why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
