So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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