I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dating After Heartbreak
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I want to fling myself into the sun
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.