"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.