john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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