I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
