Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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