he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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