Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
