I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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