I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
