If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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