I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she smelled like a LAN party
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
