y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
