a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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