yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
