Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
