i think i have two assholes
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
