Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
