Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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