You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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