From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I could fuck to npr.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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