look no pants
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
