Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
