why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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