Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
