I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
