I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I will pee on everything he values.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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