I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I will pee on everything he values.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
