I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize