This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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