Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
