sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
